Epiphany, Chaos, and Hopeful Redemption

Important Note: My wife has warned me over-and-over that this topic is volatile and may cause you to dislike me. I accept that risk even though I don't want anyone to hate me. But as I discuss "school choices" you may believe that I'm condemning your own experiences. That is *not* the intention. The choices I make are based on my own struggles and failures. Please bear this in mind.

Epiphany
On July 28th, I "discovered" that I was not going to be able to allow my children to continue at the Christian school that have been in. There was no money for the first payment. However, I had to be shaken from doldrum. That day, Tamara and I and our children went to the store to buy school supplies. We couldn't complete the check-out process. The checking account was empty and the 1 credit card we do use was maxed. Sometimes I wonder at my own stupidity. I knew the month would be tight, but didn't watch closely enough I guess. Then I checked when our first payment for their school was due! I was already 8 days over the due date. The late fee to be applied on the 31st. Again, I was astonished at my own lack of management. Of course, over the next few days conversation swung between chaos and sanity. Finally, on the 31st I went to the school's business office and pulled the children out.

Chaos
This left us with the next choice: public or home school? Now, my wife is the best teacher I've ever known, and I took classes for many years! I know that I'm biased, but honestly she ranks with the top 3 teachers I've ever sat under. Also, I must admit that I've never been particularly proud of our neighborhood with the exception of it's fairly unique diversity (even for Austin). But every day, you would find close to a majority of children return home to an empty house. And the impact that this has was confirmed by a student and friend who we faithfully see every Sunday; "Oh, don't get Ms. So-And-So! She gives homework every day. She's way too hard." My 4th grade daughter looked puzzled as she gently replied, "That sounds like every teacher I've ever had." And of course, to this point, I'd had the privilege of controlling which teacher my child had, though 2 or 3 (12 total teachers between the 3 kids) were far from a rosy experience. But, I knew that students were stringently punished for foul language and even expelled for repeated explicit references. And heads would spin and roll if such passed the lips of a teacher. We knew in public school, this could not be the case. The type of infraction that must take place would be much higher. But home school would mean that mommy would sacrifice her own job, one that provided bountiful affirmation (I said she was awesome) and plenty of adult interaction. There is was no financial benefit, but knew the impact on these young minds was significant.

Hope
On August 7th, we sat down as a family to hash things out. Tamara, a product of public school, explained the struggles she encountered. (I remained in silent ignorance.) Then my children one by one expressed their heretofore quiet desperation. Tamara also later recounted to me her silent cries, and saw into their fear. It was not unfounded. The children went to bed without having to cry themselves to sleep, knowing mommy was to be their next teacher.
(Hiatus: sister in town from Aug. 8-13.)

Redemption
But for Tamara and I, the inner struggles didn't stop. How to finance curriculum and the year in general? Last night, we found curriculum that seems fun for everyone. And in a few days, financing should be available. And this should push Tamara and I into a tighter relationship in many ways. We've gotta depend on each other more. But beyond all this, it seems that God is stripping everything away from us that we've been depending on. We're not sure exactly where it's going yet, but we think it may point us to our ministry with college students. In any respect, we know that full surrender is necessary. And that is exactly where we want to be. And perhaps, He will even redeem my pathetic stewardship skills...perhaps.